Trivial Opinions

My weekly trivial opinions on life, sports, movies and more!

Archive for October, 2007

Common Sense Quiz

Posted by Jack Deus on October 29, 2007

Wow. It’s been awhile since I’ve been here. Fear not, loyal reader… readers? Are there more than 1 of you? Anyway, fear not, my opinions are still trivial and I still am full of them, I have just been too busy for my own good to be able to donate time to this adventure known as blogging. I won’t bore you with the back story as to why I created this common sense quiz, so thank your lucky stars for that.

All you need to do is print this quiz off and circle the answer that you think best completes the sentence.

1. Your company has an automated line to verify funds on a check. If the system malfunctions the call center reps should…

a) verify the funds

b) keep asking the caller a bunch of personal questions until they get frustrated and call back to get someone

c) put the client on hold and try to fix the automated system

d) hang up

e) transfer to your fraud department because only thieves need to verify funds

2. When you receive an email with an attachment from an address you don’t recognize you should…

a) delete the email

b) open the attachment hoping it is a good coupon for Viagra

c) stare at your computer screen and don’t do anything, you’ve probably already messed something up

d) go to the circuit breaker and cut the power to the building so the computer turns off

e) ask a coworker or supervisor what to do

3. When you are walking down a hallway and your shoe becomes untied you should…

a) stop and tie it

b) hop on the foot with the tied shoelace so you don’t trip on the untied one

c) ignore it hoping it will tie itself

d) take the shoe off and throw it away, it is obviously defective

e) ask the person next to you whether they think you should tie it or not

4. If you see a clean dollar lying in the middle of the sidewalk around you and no one else is around you should…

a) pick it up

b) leave it there and put a note on top of it saying “money is the root of all evil”

c) turn around and walk the other way, looking over your shoulder frequently to make sure it isn’t following you

d) light if on fire

e) call up your mom to see if you should pick it up

5. You order soup at a restaurant and when the waiter brings it out he gives you just a knife, you should…

a) politely ask for a spoon

b) try to eat the soup with the knife

c) ignore the soup, maybe it will disappear and you will forget how good it looks

d) throw the soup at the waiter and stab him with the knife

e) take a poll of all the people at the restaurant to decide what the best course of action is

6. You are running late for work and it doesn’t look like you can make it on time, you should…

a) call your boss and tell them you are running late but that you are on your way

b) keep driving to work and when you get there late try to convince everyone you were there on time and that their watches must be fast

c) say to yourself “Screw it! I deserve a vacation” and drive to Tijuana

d) make a quick stop at the local knife/gun shop and when you get to work kill anyone who brings up the fact that you are late

e) call up the local radio talk show and have them ask the audience what you should do

7. When approaching a woman with a slightly bulging belly to engage her in conversation you should…

a) talk to her like normal

b) yell “Congratulations! When are you due?” while patting her belly

c) turn around and quickly walk the other way, looking over your shoulder frequently to make sure her belly isn’t following you

d) tell her that her belly is sticking out and ask her if she has ever heard of a sit-up

e) whip out your cell phone and conference in all of your buddies to ask them what they think you should do

8. While you are driving, a police officer pulls up behind you and turns on his flashing red and blue lights, you should…

a) pull over to the side of the road and put your hands on the steering wheel

b) slam on the gas and try to outrun him. It’s only 150 miles to the Canadian border!

c) close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, and start yelling “La-la-la-la-la”

d) slam on the breaks, crank the steering wheel around, and try to slam your car into the cop

e) call 9-1-1 on your cell phone and ask them what they think you should do

9. You are walking down the street and see a house that is on fire, you should…

a) call 9-1-1 and report the fire

b) call 9-1-1 and flirt with the attractive-sounding phone rep that answered

c) turn around and walk the other way, looking over your shoulder frequently to make sure the fire isn’t following you

d) pull the marshmallows you always carry out of your pocket and start looking for a stick you can sharpen. Why waste a good fire?

e) call Hooked on Phonics to ask them what they think you should do

10. When doing crafts with glue on a nice table, you should…

a) put newspapers, an old sheet, etc down to make sure no glue gets on the table

b) do the craft without a drop-cloth, glue will add to the aesthetic value of the table

c) ignore the warnings on the label about how glue could ruin the finish of the table and when you spill glue on the table, ignore that too

d) take a chainsaw and cut up the table, so when you spill glue on it you won’t care

e) call up Martha Stewart and ask her what she does

11. You are walking down the street with an umbrella and it starts raining, you should…

a) open up the umbrella to shield yourself from the rain

b) swing the umbrella at the rain drops trying to knock them away from you

c) keep walking, ignoring the rain, hoping you don’t catch a cold or pneumonia

d) point your umbrella menacingly at the sky and in a stern voice say “You better stop before I come up there and make you stop”

e) look around at all the other people walking and do whatever they are doing

Scoring:

If most of your answers are A’s, you have common sense. Please continue (or start) to use in as many social settings as possible. The world is counting on you to counteract all the idiots out there without common sense.

If most of your answers are B’s, you are one of the idiots out there the A’s have to counteract. The fact is, you probably do the exact opposite of whatever someone with common sense would do. Please learn common sense and how to use it before continuing to interact with other living things.

If most of your answers are C’s, you may or may not have common sense. It is impossible to tell if you have it or not because you never do anything. Whenever a situation arises where you might need to use common sense you lock up and don’t do anything. If you must particiapte in social interactions please do not volunteer for any role where a decision might need to be made by you.

If most of your answers are D, common sense is not your concern. You obviously have no idea how to act in a social setting and are probably in jail or a mental institution. If you are not in one of these places, you will be soon. Start planning for the trip now.

If most of your answers were E’s, it doesn’t matter whether or not you have common sense. No matter what situation arises you will go out of your way to let someone else make the decision as to how to act/react to the situation.

If there is no rhyme or reason to the sorting of your answers, you are a scatterbrained idiot and I would be surprised if you actually knew how to read English.

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The greatest college running back, ever…and you’ve never heard of him

Posted by Jack Deus on October 6, 2007

Congrats are in order for Danny Woodhead, but first I should probably tell you who he is.

A little bit of Danny’s back-story…

…he was a record setting running back in high school, once they finally gave him a change.

…he didn’t get any scholarship offers from any D-I colleges even though he set Nebraska state high school rushing records, and only got 2 calls from the Huskers who eventually decided not to recruit him.

…he decided to play for Chadron State College in Chadron, Nebraska.

…as a junior at Chadron St he set an NCAA record by rushing for over 2700 yards and scored 38 touchdowns, leading Chadron St to an undefeated season and a berth in the D-II playoffs.

…he won the Harlon Hill Trophy, the D-II equivalent of the Heisman in his junior year.

Going into today’s game against Western New Mexico, Danny only needed 121 rushing yards to become the most prolific running back in the history of college football, at any level, ever. According to this link “With a 5 yard run in the beginning of the third quarter against Western New Mexico, tailback Danny Woodhead has become the NCAA’s all-time, all-division rushing leader.”

To learn more about Danny, go to the Chadron St College football website and click on some of the links.

Congrats Danny on your record.

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