Trivial Opinions

My weekly trivial opinions on life, sports, movies and more!

Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

Fools and Donkeys

Posted by Jack Deus on December 23, 2009

I stumbled upon this today and I thought it was too good not to share. I found it here as part of a children’s (?) book from 1881. 

Why does an Ass

Prefer thistles to grass?

Is a puzzle to many no doubt;

But the answer comes swift, as a flash from the skies,

And if it’s not witty it is not unwise:-

The brute turns away with contempt from the grass,

For the plain simple reason–because he’s an ass.


Why does not the fool prefer virtue to vice?

When one is so vile the other so nice.

The answer we find, by the very same rule.

The fool prefers vice, just because he’s a fool.


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Pros and Cons of Twitter

Posted by Jack Deus on May 18, 2009

Twitter has been around for a while now (since 2006) being used by geeks and other technologically savvy people to communicate with each other, but has recently been gaining a lot of mainstream exposure. So, just like I did with Craigslist a few years ago, I’m here to present some of the Pros and Cons of Twitter to help you decide if it is a service you may want to use. In respect of Twitter’s 140 character limit, each item is limited to just that.


1. Celebrities and Pseudo-celebrities: Wonder what your favorite actor is up to? A lot of actors, athletes, tech gurus, etc are on Twitter.

2. Limited to 140 characters: Forces people to be more concise. If you ramble, be prepared to be cut-off.

3. Get status updates from your friends just like MySpace and Facebook, but w/o their annoying/sickening page designs and add-ons.

4. Able to send and receive updates with SMS (text messaging) so you don’t need internet on your phone to stay connected away from your PC.

5. Non-reciprocity: you don’t have to follow someone who’s following you; the reason why most celebrities who use it do so.

6. Hashtags (#): want to see what everyone is saying about a particular topic? Use a hashtag search to find all relevant tweets.


1. Fake celebrities: People actually pretend to be celebrities. Seriously, do you not have a life?

2. People who need to use multiple tweets to complete one thought. I can tolerate it every once in a while, but some people don’t seem to…

2.b. …understand that they should reword their thought to fit into the 140 character limit. I just want to shout to them “Ever heard of 1337…

2.c. …(leet) speak? Look it up!…Or use a blog.”

3. @replies: Some people use Twitter as an instant messaging service. At least you can choose not to see them.

4. CNN vs Ashton: Caused many annoying and inactive people to join Twitter.

5. SPAM: Yes, Twitter has spam, but at least it is pretty easy to avoid.

6. Links: 99% of links are shrunk by a third party website (tinyurl, snipr,, etc). You better trust the linker before you click.

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Open Letter to Fox

Posted by Jack Deus on May 4, 2009

May 4th, 2009

To: Fox Executives

Re: Television Programming Lineup

Dear Sirs and Madams,

          Let me start by telling you how much I love some of your shows. I am a big fan of House, 24, Fringe, Dollhouse, and Lie to Me. I haven’t missed an episode of any of those shows since they went on the air.  I also own every season of House and 24 that is currently out on DVD. It may not have been the smartest move on my part to buy the DVDs, since I haven’t actually watched them since I bought them, but just knowing they are on my shelf helps me sleep better at night. So, thank you for that.

          I also need to let you know how awesome I think is. Being able to watch any of my favorite shows that I may have missed for free! is, to borrow a phrase from the Brits, bloody brilliant. On the flip side of that coin, though, the reason why I most recently had to use is, to borrow a phrase from the French, #$!%ed up. I work full-time, and I go to school, and I have a nine-month old daughter, so I really don’t have time to sit down and watch all of those shows I mentioned above when they are actually airing.

          To help me actually have time to sit down and watch your awesome shows I employ the services of a Tivo. Tivo is a wonderful thing. I can’t even imagine my life without it. The only real drawback I have found to Tivo is WHEN SOME IDIOT *coughRyanSeacrest* CAN’T CONTROL THE SHOW HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE MCing SO IT GOES LONGER THAN IT SHOULD, PUSHING BACK THE STARTING TIME OF THE NEXT SHOW, AND RATHER THAN CUT THAT SHOW OFF AND PLAY THE NEXT SHOW ON TIME OR CUT OUT A FEW COMMERCIALS TO GET THE NEXT SHOW BACK ON TIME, THE MORON IN THE STUDIO DECIDES TO LET BOTH SHOWS GO LONG!

          Now, I’m not sure if you are familiar with how Tivo works, so allow me to explain. Basically, the networks (i.e. you guys) publish the listing of which shows will be on at which times. Tivo takes these listings and records shows that I tell it to record based off of these listings. When these listings tell Tivo that Fringe will be playing on Fox from 8:00-9:00pm, Tivo will record whatever is on Fox from 8:00-9:00pm. You see, Tivo isn’t a human being. It is a machine that can only do what it is pregrammed to do. It can’t see that Fringe didn’t actually start at 8:00. So, guess what happens when Moron in the Studio decides to let both American Idol and Fringe get pushed back a few minutes? I miss the last few minutes of Fringe, that’s what happens. Then I have to walk all the up to my computer, go to, find the episode I was just watching, find the time it got cut off at and finish watching it.

          Luckily for me I have a computer and high-speed internet. But, I would be willing to bet that not everyone who records Fringe on their Tivo has a computer, so they are missing out on the last few minutes. That’s like bringing dessert to someone, letting them see it and smell it, then throwing it on the floor. On behalf of everyone who watches Fringe: Screw you Fox for throwing our dessert on the floor!

Thank you for your time,

Jack Deus

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Stupid Questions

Posted by Jack Deus on April 20, 2009

There is a popular phrase, there is no such thing as a stupid question. For the most part I agree with this, but the biggest exception that proves the rule is:

Don’t ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to.

A perfect example of this type of question is one every guy dreads: Does this (shirt, pair of pants, swimsuit, outfit) make me look fat?

Let me break down the four possible answers to this question, proving it is a stupid question.

1) Yes, it does make you look fat. While you have to give him props for being man enough to be honest with you knowing there will be bad consequences, this is the least desirable response because not only does it confirm your thoughts that you are a little overweight, but also confirms that other people notice your extra pounds.

2) No, you look fine (obviously lying). Like number one, this question confirms that other people notice your flab. Depending on how you take the answer, this answer may actually be worse than the first. On one hand, he is willing to take your feelings into account and tell you what (he thinks) you want to hear. On the other hand, he is willing to lie to you, bold-faced and blatantly.

3) No, you look beautiful, no matter what. At first glance, this is the answer you want to hear, but even this answer has its flaws. If you actually do look good no matter what, I am led to believe you have self-esteem issues because you need reassurance despite your Greek-goddess body. Either that, or he actually does think you look good despite your spare tire, which means he isn’t going to help motivate you to put down that corndog and get to the gym. You two should be super-happy together on The Biggest Loser: Couples in a few years.

4) Do I look stupid? There’s no right answer to that, so I’m not answering it. Congrats! You have a smart man. He has either read this post, or had the same thoughts I have about these types of questions. You, however, will probably assume that he is avoiding the question because he thinks you do look fat, but doesn’t want to say anything because he doesn’t want to sleep on the couch tonight, and you will punish him as if he did say yes. The rest of us men feel sorry for this poor sap.

This logic doesn’t just apply to women asking this question. Some other questions everyone should avoid for similar reasons:

Do I have any habits that annoy you?

Is he/she more attractive than me?

Was my meatloaf better than your moms?

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Random Thought on Public Restrooms

Posted by Jack Deus on March 23, 2009

This probably isn’t the best way to start a post but here it goes…I poop a lot. Like, more often than an 80-year-old man with an addiction to prune juice. I also leave my house a lot. Naturally, then, I have to poop in public places a lot.

If I do something enough times I start to notice trends and think of ways to make the experience better. Here are some thoughts I’ve had about public restrooms.


-If you have to sit (to poop or if you are a girl who doesn’t want to hover), use toilet paper to wipe down the seat. This serves two purposes, 1. it cleans the seat (at least the visible stuff) and 2. you now know how much TP there is so you don’t run out in the middle of filing the paperwork.

-Use a paper towel (or TP) to open the door when you leave. A lot of people don’t wash their hands when they are done. The door handle is probably the most disgusting part of the whole restroom because theoretically the toilets get disinfected on a regular basis, but who thinks to clean the handle?

-Speaking of people not washing their hands…just because you can’t see anything on your hands doesn’t mean nothing is there. Germs are really, really tiny. I mean really tiny.

-This one is just for the guys…if you have to pee and there is an open urinal, USE IT. I actually use restrooms to poop and I don’t like having to wipe urine off the seat before I go.

-Ball up the paper towel before throwing it away. It takes up like 300% less room in the trash can.

-I’ve asked many friends and coworkers why they put an empty stall/urinal between them and someone who is already using the restroom (a phenomenon I just discovered since I will use whichever one is cleanest and closest to the door) and have yet to hear a good answer. Most people claim they want privacy and that they are uncomfortable doing the deed while they can see any part of someone else or someone else can see any part of them. Everyone has to use the bathroom, don’t be ashamed that you do too.

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