Part of my job involves me looking at a lot of names (along the lines of thousands a day sometimes). I’ve seen hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of names in my lifetime and yet some people’s names still amaze me. I can’t help but try to figure out what drugs these people’s parents were on when they thought “this name sounds good.” Do these parents try to give their kids a complex? Do they want to pay for a shrink? Are they really that clueless? A study was done a little while back showing that there may be a correlation between your initials and other aspects of your life, positively or negatively depending on the letters.I would imagine that a name could have a similar effect. As with anything, there are some names that are less potentially scarring than others, and obviously if the kid is strong willed they can overcome a bad name, but why take the chance? With that in mind I’ve created a list of 10 rules to follow to greatly reduce the risk of your child having issues when they grow older. Some of these rules only really apply in the US (see #5 specifically) because in other parts of the world some of these names may have positive connotations or at least not have negative connotations.
10 Rules for Naming Your Child
1. If you are thinking about naming your child after you, don’t. The kid needs their own identity, not to grow up in your shadow. There are thousands of good names for a child, they don’t need to share yours.
2. If your family has already started the (bad) tradition of passing along the name and you feel you must continue it, at least give the child a different middle name. This serves two purposes: one, they can use the middle name as their name if they want to get out of your shadow and two, there is much less risk of a mix up with credit scores, etc.
3. If you have a last name that is the same as someone who is currently uber-famous or someone historically famous, don’t give your child the first name of the famous person. Names such as Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, John Kennedy, Betsy Ross, and Martha Stewart will almost assuredly be associated with those famous people for the majority or entirety of your child’s life. While you may think you are doing your child a favor by naming them after someone famous, it is only serving to put your child behind the 8-ball because they will never come close to living up to their namesake. By the way, this rule applies to fictional names too, like Bruce Wayne.
4. Similar to #3, but much more important, is never, ever name your child after someone infamous. If your last name is Manson, don’t name your son Charles. If your last name is Stalin, don’t name your child Joseph or even Josephine. If your last name is Hitler, well you might want to look into changing that anyway, but absolutely don’t name your child Adolf.
5. Keeping in theme with the end of #4, try to avoid names that are strongly associated with other countries: Adolf, Sven, Wolfgang, Xioaling, Jorge, Abner, etc. While these names may have wonderful meaning in your heritage, most kids with these names are going to get made fun of, a lot. Do you want your child getting made fun of every day they go to school? Of course not. If you want to instill your heritage into your child, maybe consider using one of those names as the child’s middle name.
6. Most nouns, verbs, and adjectives are off-limits. Names like Sun, Moon, Star, Freedom, Echo, Rainbow should be avoided. The hippies popularized these names, but unfortunately the names did not die out like the hippy movement. I say most because there are certain names that have become popular and aren’t associated with the original word anymore; names like Dawn, Robin, and Joy come to mind.
7. Keep the spelling of more common names. There is no need to spell your daughter’s name Amey or Allyson, or your son’s name Chrystopher or Bradlay because you want them to be different and stand out from the crowd. The only thing this is going to make them do is spell out their name EVERY time they tell someone what their name is. Speaking as someone who has had to spell out his last name to everyone he has ever met, do you know how much of a waste of time that is? Not only that, but when enough people spell a common name differently everyone gets confused, so the people with the common spelling have to start wasting their time spelling out their name for people, too. Giving your child a uniquely spelled common name could also lead to credit problems. What happens when your child fills out a credit card application and the person entering their name is in a hurry and types your child’s name the way almost everyone else spells it? Usually this can be fixed with little or no harm, but with tightened security for travel abroad it could lead to some major problems if your child doesn’t catch the error and their name ends up misspelled on their driver’s license or passport.
8. Avoid first and middle names that when combined with your last name make other words, especially if they make inappropriate words. For example, avoid Michael (Mike) if your last name is Hawk or Hunt.
9. If your last name is an adjective, avoid first names that are objects, especially if they make inappropriate combinations. Peter and Richard (Dick) should never be paired with Wacker or Licker. This rule can also be reversed, also. If your last name is a noun, such as Koch (even if you don’t pronounce it like a male rooster), don’t name your child Harry or Anita.
10. This rule seems the most obvious to me, but sadly I see it broken quite often. If your last name is or contains a first name, don’t use that first name when naming your child. Examples of names not to use: John Johnson, Peter Peters, Taylor Taylor. Seriously, I’ve seen all of these names before and can’t even imagine the ridicule they have to endure.
These “rules” are all my personal opinion, but I would like to think the majority of people out there agree with them. So, if you find yourself faced with the task of naming someone, please keep these rules in mind so that the someone you are naming doesn’t start off life on the wrong foot. There are so many things in life going against human beings being happy, why add one more?
If you are a parent who went against one or more of these rules, I’d love to hear from you. Post a comment and let me know what your child’s name is (first, middle, and last name) and why you chose that name.
If you have a name that goes against one or more of these rules, I’d love to hear from you, too. Post a comment and let me know what your name is (first, middle, and last), whether you wish your parents had given you a different name, and what kind of trauma, teasing, or hardships you had to face because of your name. If you didn’t experience any of these things, let me know why you think that is.
Trivial Opinions 