Trivial Opinions

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Archive for February, 2009

10 Jobs for Guys to Meet Girls-Part 2

Posted by Jack Deus on February 23, 2009

Check out the first part of this list first, for jobs 6-10.

Here’s the criteria again, in case you don’t want to go back to the first post to look it up.

The Criteria-

A. Daily interaction with available (single) female clients, customers, etc. The whole point of this post is to help you meet women and what better way to do that than to be at a job where you interact with female clientele? I gave higher points to jobs where the clientele isn’t always the same because that increases the total number of women you have a chance of interacting with.

B. Daily interaction with available (single) female coworkers. Similar to part A, but with coworkers.

C. Odds your job title will impress women outside of your job. When you are in a social setting and a woman asks what you do for a living, if you are able to tell her something she is impressed with you have a better chance of the conversation leading to further interaction.

D. Odds your job title will get you ridiculed by your buddies or get you mistaken for a homosexual. You can probably live with the ribbing from your buddies if your job gets you a lot of women, but if women think you are gay because of your job, you probably won’t have much luck with them.

E. Amount of schooling required. I subtracted 1 point for each year of schooling it would take for you to get that job. The more time you spend in school, the less time you have interacting with females.

The formula I used was Single Clients + Single Coworkers + Impress WomenMistaken for GaySchool = Final Score.

Without further ado, here is the list of jobs from worst to best.

  1. Massage TherapistSingle Clients-5-This job reminds me of a gynecologist in that at first glance it seems like a really cool job because you are around naked women all day, but the more you think about it the more you realize you also have to be around unattractive naked women, and, worst yet, naked men. Single coworkers-6-the few times I’ve had a massage the ratio of female to male workers was around three to two. Decent odds, even though not all of the women are going to be single. Impress women-8-most women are going to like the fact that you will actually know what you are doing when they ask you to give them a foot or shoulder rub. Mistaken for gay-3-the job title masseur sounds pretty gay, fortunately most women will be too busy thinking about the foot and back rub you will be able to give to think about your gay title. School-1-my local massage therapy school has a nine-month program available for full-time students. Total Score-15
  2. Waiter at a Nice RestaurantSingle Clients-4-everyone and their mom eat at nice restaurants, so you could get a huge rush of single ladies that you wait on, or you could be stuck serving couples and families the whole night. Single coworkers-7-my experience has been that the wait staff (and especially the maitre’ds) at nice restaurants is usually a majority women, and most of them don’t have rings on their fingers. So, either they take them off while they are working (not very likely) or a good number of workers at nice restaurants are single women. Impress women-6-depending on which restaurant you work at (Cheesecake Factory would probably make this number a little higher) and what kind of discount you get will determine how high or low this number is, but the average is a six. Mistaken for gay-1-not very likely, but there are a few restaurants out there that might get a woman to think twice about which team you play for. School-0-maybe a few days or weeks of orientation and on-the-job training. Total Score-16.
  3. BarristaSingle clients-7-the ratio of single clients to non-single clients isn’t this high, but the shear volume of people you will deal with bumps this number up. Single coworkers-7-a lot of coffee shop workers are college and high-school females. Just make sure you know the difference before you try any moves. Impress women-5-free coffee and breakfast pastries are a plus in some women’s books. Mistaken for gay-2-the amount of gay barristas is a little higher than the average job (or maybe just more noticeable), so you may have to compete with that stigma with some women. School-0-similar to a waiter, you will have orientation and on-the-job training. Total Score-17.
  4. Personal TrainerSingle clients-5-The bulk of the people you actually train probably won’t be single women, but if you work at a big enough gym there should be enough single ladies walking around to make up for it. Single coworkers-5-my experience at gyms has been that there are just as many females as males working there. Impress women-9-the actual job might not impress a lot of people, but your physique because of your job will. Mistaken for gay-0-unless you talk with a lisp and a lot of hand gestures, not a chance. School-1-the one year I’m putting here is mostly getting yourself in good enough shape to actually have a chance at getting a job at a gym. Total Score-18.
  5. BartenderSingle clients-9-this number is so high because of the shear volume of people you will be dealing with. Single coworkers-5-depending on the bar you work at this number could be higher or lower, but most places will have a decent amount of single women on the payroll. Impress women-5-an alcohol hook-up should impress a fair amount of women. Mistaken for gay-0-unless you get a job at a gay bar, not much chance of this happening. School-0-it may take you a few months to memorize what goes in a “fuzzy navel,” but the bar should have a cheat-sheet, and if they don’t you can download one from the internet. Total Score-19.
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10 Jobs for Guys to Meet Girls-Part 1

Posted by Jack Deus on February 16, 2009

So, guys, you’ve taken up a hobby I’ve recommended but you want to increase your odds of meeting and attracting a woman even more? I have compiled a list of 10 jobs you may want to look into. I have also given the jobs points based off of 5 criteria (more on that in a moment), added and subtracted the points as necessary, and ranked the 10 jobs from lowest to highest.

The Criteria-

A. Daily interaction with available (single) female clients, customers, etc. The whole point of this post is to help you meet women and what better way to do that than to be at a job where you interact with female clientele? I gave higher points to jobs where the clientele isn’t always the same because that increases the total number of women you have a chance of interacting with.

B. Daily interaction with available (single) female coworkers. Similar to part A, but with coworkers.

C. Odds your job title will impress women outside of your job. When you are in a social setting and a woman asks what you do for a living, if you are able to tell her something she is impressed with you have a better chance of the conversation leading to further interaction.

D. Odds your job title will get you ridiculed by your buddies or get you mistaken for a homosexual. You can probably live with the ribbing from your buddies if your job gets you a lot of women, but if women think you are gay because of your job, you probably won’t have much luck with them.

E. Amount of schooling required. I subtracted 1 point for each year of schooling it would take for you to get that job. The more time you spend in school, the less time you have interacting with females.

The formula I used was Single Clients + Single Coworkers + Impress WomenMistaken for GaySchool = Final Score.

Without further ado, here is the list of jobs from worst to best.

  1. Hair StylistSingle clients-7-a fair amount of people that get their hair done are single women. Single coworkers-9-most hairstylists I’ve ever seen are women and, as an added bonus, the few men I’ve seen are usually gay so there isn’t much competition from them for the single ladies. Impress women-2-unless you meet a girl who really likes getting her hair styled, there isn’t much chance of impressing her much with this job. Mistaken for gay-8-the added bonus of single coworkers works against you here. School-2-you need at least 2 years to become proficient enough to get hired, but at least most of your fellow students are women, so the two years aren’t completely wasted. Total Score-8.
  2. Crafts/Scrap-booking Store EmployeeSingle clients-9-not many jobs have more single ladies than this. Single coworkers-9-just about everyone working at these types of stores is a women and a lot of them are single. Impress women-2-most women (hopefully) aren’t impressed when you tell them you work retail. Mistaken for gay-10-have you ever seen a straight male working at a place like this? Neither have any ladies. School-0-it’s retail. You will learn how to do the job in a one day orientation, most likely. Total Score-10.
  3. Tanning Booth ClerkSingle clients-10-single ladies come through the door like it’s an amusement park turnstile. Just be sure to watch out for the high school girls. Single coworkers-10-I can’t think of any reason (except this post) why any tanning booth clerk wouldn’t be female, and there’s a good chance most of them are single. Again-watch out for the high school girls, though. Impress women-1-unless you can hook her up with free tans (which is probably against most company’s policies) no women would be impressed with this job. Mistaken for gay-10-pretty high likelihood that since only gay guys go to tanning booths everyone will think you are gay for working at one. School-0-a trained monkey could probably do this job. Total Score-11.
  4. NurseSingle clients-5-this number will very a lot depending on the type of nurse you are, so the five I’m giving it is an average. Single coworkers-8-most nurses are women and a good amount of them are bound to be single. Plus, you can interact with single female doctors. Impress women-8-this job shows you are smart, caring, and nurturing. The only going against you is some women might wonder why you didn’t become a doctor. Mistaken for gay-2-most people probably won’t think you’re gay for being a nurse, but you will get made fun of my your buddies. School-6-lots of school means lots of time not chasing women. Think you can go after the women studying to be nurses? Most of them will want to do nothing but study, and you should too. My life may be in your hands some day. Total Score-13.
  5. TeacherSingle clients-1-this number is a 10, if you are a pedophile, but you aren’t, so the only single women you can possibly meet are the moms of your kids, and there probably aren’t too many of them. Single coworkers-9-most teachers are women. Depending on the school you teach at, a good number of them could be single. Also, there will be district meetings you will have to attend where the ratio of single women to men will likely be 5 to 1 or better. Impress women-8-just like nursing, this job shows you are caring and nurturing, and also shows that you like kids. Mistaken for gay-1-also like nursing, not much chance of being mistaken for gay, but your friends might poke fun at you a bit, until you threaten to flunk their kid. 🙂 School-4-it takes four years just to get the bachelor’s degree. Most school disctricts give you a raise if you start pursuing a master’s or doctorate degree. Total Score-13.

Check out the next part of the list here.

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10 Hobbies for Guys to Impress Girls

Posted by Jack Deus on February 9, 2009

Guys, are you having trouble finding girls? Or, once you do meet them, do they think you are a shallow, insensitive jerk? I have the remedy for that. Try taking up one or more of these hobbies and you will be meeting and impressing so many girls you won’t know how to thank me (sending me money would be a good start wink, wink).

  1. Scrapbooking. Sounds really girly, huh? But, it shows you are creative and sensitive. You don’t have to make scrapbooks with pretty flowers and rainbows, either. That fishing trip you are going on with your buddies…take some pictures of  Danny’s prize catch and Jeff with a fish hook stuck in his eyebrow (for the second time that trip). Then, when you get home, slap those pictures together with some fish and beer stickers on a cool fish-designed paper and presto, you’ve just made a scrapbook page. If you make two or three pages of the fishing trip, another five from the trip to Vegas (tip: don’t include pics of hot women if you are planning on showing this to potential/current girlfriends), and four more from your softball league and put them altogether you have just scrapbooked. See, that doesn’t sound nearly as girly as you originally thought. Plus, most of your buddies (maybe not Jeff for the fish hook picture) will actually like looking through it and any girls you show it to will see how important the guys are to you and will be more open to you spending time with them. As an added bonus, any time you go to the scrapbooking store (yes, they actually have entire stores that only carry scrapbooking stuff) to replenish your supplies you will have absolutely no direct male competition for all of the ladies shopping/working there.
  2. Photography. Scrapbooking still sound a little too girly for you? Try photography. Ladies love posing for pictures, especially if you have enough experience and knowhow to capture their good side. Invest in a really good camera with multiple lenses and good photo editing software and there’s no telling the limits of what kinds of pictures she will let you take of her. If you want to go the extra mile to impress the girl you’ve been dating for a little while, put some of the pictures you’ve taken into a scrapbook for her and she will be yours forever (or at least untl your next big screw-up).
  3. Drawing. This one has very similar benefits to scrapbooking and phototgraphy without the girly factor or the huge money investment. On the flip side of that, though, is that this one is probably the hardest hobby to actually get good at (unless you have natural artistic talent) and will probably take the most start-up time before you can actually use it to show off to girls (no girl will be impressed at your stick figures or your blob faced people). Back to the good side, you can probably find a lot of girls willing to pose for you like Kate Winslet did in Titanic. You can also use it to pick up chicks in a bar. Start drawing random things on cocktail napkins at the bar and I guarantee women will see what you are doing when they come up to the bar to get a drink and initiate a conversation with you. (Note: all guarantees by Jack Deus are null and void on the planet Earth or on days ending in ‘Y’).
  4. Writing. This hobby works especially well if you write poetry, but just about any writing will do. Virginia Woolf once said “Every secret of a writier’s soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind is written large in his works…” What woman wouldn’t want a glimpse of all of these things about you neatly bundled and bound in your notebook (or blog)? Keep in mind, this is a hobby that is easy to start, requires a little bit of effort and dedication to become decent at, but is really difficult to master. Nathaniel Hawthorne was quoted as saying, “Easy reading is damn hard writing.” Don’t let that discourage you, however, because if you keep with it you will eventually (some much quicker than others) be able to impress the ladies with your perceived intellect, creativity, and dedication. Also, you will get immense personal satisfaction from it. Isaac Asimov, whose books have been published under nine of the ten major categories of the Dewey decimal system, once said, “If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.”
  5. Cooking. OK, there’s a girl at the local fill-in-the-blank that you are really in to and you think she’s also in to you. You want to ask her out to a really romantic dinner, but you are completely broke and you doubt she will still be in to you when you take her to Sizzler and pay with a coupon. Well, my friend, there are very few things more romantic than a candlelit, home-cooked meal. Don’t know how to cook? Buy a cookbook, set your DVR for a few shows on the food network, or just use the internet. There are hundreds (thousands? millions?) of different websites with different recipes just waiting for you. I recommend starting off with some of the free sites, and then once you start knowing the difference between a pot and a pan turning to some subscription sites for more detailed and elaborate menu choices. Addition bonus, now you don’t have to live off ramen noodles and easy mac. Your heart, arteries and stomach will thank you when you’re 40.
  6. Pottery/Ceramics. Another girly one? Yeah. But have you ever seen the movie Ghost? Probably not, unless a girl made you watch it with her. But every single female in the world has seen the movie and would love to recreate the pottery scene. Show her your workshop on the second or third date (not the first because the second date will never live up to it), recreate the scene, and bam-instant action for you. Added bonus, home made gifts are cheap and women (not just girlfriends but moms, grandmas, aunts, sisters, etc) eat them up.
  7. Jogging. It’s good for your health, it sometimes involves women wearing next to nothing in public (don’t get delusional, not all women wear sports bras and biker shorts when they run), it always causes parts of the female anatomy to bounce in fun ways, and if you are doing it fast enough she will be so out of breath you won’t have to talk about relationships or her bad day at work while doing it.
  8. Playing an Instrument (specifically guitar or piano). Watch the ladies flock to you when you sit down at a park bench and bust out your guitar. Learn how to play love songs for her and she will be putty in your hands. One of the best things about playing an instrument is that she will sit and watch you practice for hours without saying a word and consider it quality time spent with you.
  9. Wine Drinking. Yes, I know you would prefer a beer, and you can still have them whenever you are with the guys. But what do you think a woman would be more impressed with: that you take her out to a fancy restaurant and order yourself a bottle of beer, or that you take her out to a fancy restaurant and order the two of you a bottle of wine? Obviously, the wine would be more impressive (and romantic), but make sure you actually know a little bit about wines. Learn the difference between a red and a white, and which goes with what kind of meal. Research the different brands of wines. Even though they are both light beers, there is a difference between Bud Light and Miller Lite. Similarly, there is a difference between red wines. Maybe even go so far as to call up the restaurant and inquire about the types of wine that restaurant carries and order a specific one when you get there.
  10. Drink Mixing. Finally, one that isn’t girly at all. Not only that, but if you are able to show up at a party, walk behind the bar, and make a great-tasting girly drink no matter what alcohol and mixers are back there you will have ladies coming up to you left and right asking you to make one for them. They will be following you around the room like little puppies all night. Not only that, but you are giving them alcohol which impares their judgement which causes you to look even better in their eyes. Just make sure you keep track of all the alcohol you are giving out, not just because you need to be a responsible citizen, but because you want to make sure the girl you take home that night doesn’t throw up all over you.

When deciding between these hobbies, make sure to pick one that you think you will like to do. That way, if it doesn’t help you meet/keep women you will at least have had a fun time.

Have any hobbies you think should be on the list? Leave a comment (please keep it PG or I will edit it) and I will add it to the list.

Posted in Advice, Humorous, It happened to me, Top 10 Lists | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Super Bowl XLIII Reaction

Posted by Jack Deus on February 2, 2009

On a day when the three words used to describe the Super Bowl should be Steelers win sixth! the words refs screw Arizona are more dominant. Three seems to be the dominate theme in the game, actually, because there were three calls the referees blew that may have ended the game in a way more favorable for Arizona. Keep in mind, that while I did predict the Cardinals to win, I did not have a vested interest in either team winning, so this post is just the reaction of one football fan calling it like he sees it.

The first play happened at the end of the first half. Arizona was about to score, when Kurt Warner threw an interception to James Harrison, who ran it back 100 yards for a touchdown, just as time expired. At least, that’s how the officials said it happened. What really happened was that Larry Fitzgerald tackled Harrison just before he crossed the goal line. The first half should have ended with Pittsburgh in the lead, 10-7, not 17-7 like the scoreboard read.

The second play was in the middle of the third quarter, Pittsburgh was driving and had reached midfield when Ben Roethlisberger was hit by Karlos Dansby right after he threw an incomplete pass. Dansby was called for roughing the passer, which gave Pittsburgh the ball on the Arizona 35, with 1st and 10, instead of at the 50, with 2nd and 10. Who knows, maybe Pittsburgh still would have been able to score on that drive, but maybe they wouldn’t have. Even Al Michaels and John Madden were questioning whether that call should have been made. When the announcers are questioning the call, it is usually a bad one.

The final play came right at the end of the game when Kurt Warner got hit as he was attempting a pass which the refs called a fumble and Pittburgh recovered for a fumble. The only problem with that call was that Warner’s hand was coming forward so it should have been called an incomplete pass. Even after reviewing the play in the booth, the fumble call was kept. Maybe the reason the call didn’t get overturned was because there wasn’t irrefutible evidence to overturn the call on the field, but the call on the field was wrong, so the booth should never have been reviewing the play in the first place.

There is no way to know how the outcome of the game would have turned out if any one of these three calls were different, but it seems to me that Arizona probably would have won without these three calls going against them.

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